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by muldy



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, But with a happy ending, I fixed it, Post-Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 17:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13618422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muldy/pseuds/muldy
Summary: Kathryn Janeway had one more thing nagging at her as she stepped up to the window of her Ready Room to look out at Earth appearing on the horizon. She knew the rest of the crew was gathered in the mess hall, or on the bridge, watching together, but somehow she didn’t feel a part of it anymore.She had done her part.She got them home.And she had never felt so alone in the universe.





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**Author's Note:**

  * For [cheile (Cheile)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheile/gifts), [arcadia75](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcadia75/gifts).



> I wrote this to procrastinate work thanks to a manip that cheile posted with Janeway and Chakotay hugging with Earth in the back, and we commented that it was how Voyager should have ended.
> 
> So I fixed it. 
> 
> Unbeta'd and written quickly but I hope you all enjoy!

Somehow the journey back to Earth with the fleet seemed to take longer than the seven years they’d spent in the Delta Quadrant. Perhaps it was the constant meetings and questions and reports needing to be handed in, or perhaps it was the long stretches of silence spread throughout the ship as everyone didn’t really know how to react.

There was an air of excitement in the air, that was for sure, but it was tainted by the sorrow they all felt at knowing their family was about to break up.

Kathryn Janeway had one more thing nagging at her as she stepped up to the window of her Ready Room to look out at Earth appearing on the horizon. She knew the rest of the crew was gathered in the mess hall, or on the bridge, watching together, but somehow she didn’t feel a part of it anymore.

She had done her part.

She got them home.

And she had never felt so alone in the universe.

The thought that Chakotay might be in either one of those places, standing with Seven by his side, rather than her, dug deep. Not because she had expected him to wait for her forever, not at all, but because she had expected him to be standing by her side at this moment.

As her First Officer.

And her friend.

And maybe more.

It wasn’t the first time since the Admiral’s arrival that she had felt this feeling, but right at the moment the stinging was the worst she had felt. She wouldn’t describe it as jealousy, but more as an unexpected reminder of her loneliness. She hadn’t felt alone in seven years in the Delta Quadrant, yet staring at her home she suddenly felt nothing else.

The chime rung and she didn’t turn to look, both hoping and afraid that it would be him.

‘Captain,’ he said quietly as he entered. ‘Am I interrupting?’

Now she turned, folding her arms across her chest defensively as she did so.

‘Never,’ she smiled, although she knew it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

He hesitated for a moment, knowing something was wrong, then made his way up the steps to stand next to her.

For a few moments there was complete silence between them as they watched Earth growing larger in the distance. She was entirely sure that he was aware she knew about his new relationship, it had become very apparent to her once she’d known that he was distant, and suddenly every moment he would have been by her side he wasn’t there anymore.

In a way she was surprised he was here now.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

He looked at her, confused. ‘For what?’

She paused, suddenly realising how many things she had to thank him for and not being able to find the words to accurately convey how important he had been to her all these years. She smiled, turning to look at him.

‘You told me a thousand times that I wasn’t alone and I don’t think I understood that until now, but you were always there and for that, thank you,’ she said, finally letting her eyes slide up to meet his gaze. ‘And for everything else.’

A few seconds was all she could handle looking directly into the eyes of someone she didn’t want seeing her true emotions. Turning back to face Earth she hoped he had only heard her words.

‘Kathryn?’ he said quietly, reaching out and touching her shoulder. ‘Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?’

Taking a deep breath she tried her best to crush the swelling of her heart, and the tears in her eyes, as she felt his soft touch, heard the care in his voice. Did he have to do that? He’d moved on, she had to ignore any emotions she was feeling towards him that weren’t appropriate.

‘This isn’t goodbye…’ he continued.

She didn’t respond, afraid if she opened her mouth either a barrage of anger or a stream of tears was going to accompany anything she said, instead she kept her eyes focused sternly on Earth. Her goal, the only thing that was important to her as Captain of a starship. Getting her crew back to that planet.

Suddenly he was blocking her view and she had no choice but to look up at him.

‘I’m happy for you,’ she said quietly. ‘But I already feel alone in a way I haven’t for a long time.’

He tilted his head slowly, his forehead creasing for a moment before he seemed to realise what she was talking about.

‘I would never spend less time with you because I was seeing someone else,’ he replied carefully. ‘You are the person in this world that makes me feel less lonely, the one thing that could bring me back to Starfleet, who made me at peace with myself and with the world around me. No one can ever replace you, Kathryn, and I would never be with someone who tried.’

He became blurry as her vision clouded and she relaxed her crossed arms for the first time since he had entered her Ready Room, letting them fall to her side.

‘Oh Chakotay, I was so afraid to lose you that I’ve been dreading reaching Earth…’ she admitted. ‘I couldn’t imagine waking up day after day knowing I wouldn’t see you. I don’t want that…you are what’s kept me afloat these past seven years…and I don’t need more, I just need to know you’re there in some way.’

‘I actually came here to talk to you about that,’ he said, reaching out and wiping tears from under her eyes. ‘Seven and I broke up days ago.’

She could feel the surprise spread across her face. ‘No, Chakotay…’

He held two fingers lightly against her lips, cutting her off. ‘It won’t work on Earth, we both know that. While it’s not really home to either of us, I have a home, I have people I love waiting for me on Earth and she doesn’t. She needs time to learn who she is and while I’ll admit I was disappointed it ended so soon, a part of me was glad, because that planet over there – ‘

Stepping to the side, he revealed an ever growing Earth, and she felt the smile cross her face.

‘ – that planet represents a hope for me that I’ve been holding on to for a long time, a hope of freedom to be with the person I really care about,’ he finished. ‘And if she doesn’t want anything more than what we are currently then that’s okay too, but I won’t be the one to take away the option.’

The planet that a few moments ago had felt nothing more than a rock in space, a lonely place she wasn’t sure was home anymore, suddenly looked like a beacon of hope, of possibility. The place she had been trying to get back to for the last seven years, as it was in her mind, it was there.

And she breathed a sigh of relief.

‘I think once we’re on Earth, we should have dinner,’ she whispered, turning to face the man next to her. ‘Maybe in Venice.’

A smile spread across his face, dimples appearing instantly, his eyes lighting up.

‘Should I bring the cider or do you think they’ll have some there?’ he joked.

She laughed lightly. ‘You better bring a bottle, just in case.’

Without warning her reached out with both arms and pulled her towards him, holding her in an embrace and she realised for the first time that the last time she had truly been held by someone in this way was by Mark as she left for her mission to the Badlands.

And she let the smile spread across her face as she buried her head into his chest, relief finally flooding over her.

‘We’re home,’ she said as she finally pulled away from him.

And he reached out and took her hand as they turned to watch Earth fill the window.

‘You did it,’ he squeezed her hand as he spoke.

‘We all did,’ she replied.

And at that moment she knew everything was going to be okay.


End file.
